Front-ways back-sided

You know, when I started this blog I thought I'd be writing about tech stuff.  Guess I just can't escape the reality of what really matters to me.  Maybe I should change the title...

Anyway, those of you who know me well know I'm a classic firstborn with all the birth-order stuff that comes along with it.  It's no wonder then that I find myself to be highly driven; especially since that day the Lord called me all those years ago.  It wasn't until today though that I realized exactly how much my drivenness can actually hinder me from moving forward in Christ.

I stood in front of my office window near the end of my day today wondering why the Lord seemed distant after I had made a conscious effort to draw near to him.  I pursued the Lord relentlessly today, praising him, thanking him, asking him to bless my work, for favour, for those around me, my colleagues, wife, family and so on.  But at the end of the day I felt exhausted and was left wondering why the Lord remained distant.

As I stood in front of the window I observed an interesting phenomenon with how the snow landed in the parking lot.  It seems that when the wind hits the building just right, it wraps around and meets in front of my office window creating a negative pressure "bubble" where the resultant updraft holds the snowflakes in suspended animation several meters above the ground.  It's really eerie.  Then, as if someone where handling them with utmost care, they drift delicately to the ground where they are mercilessly crushed by the next car driving by...  LOL

Anyway... it was mesmerizing, beautiful and seemed somehow backwards that the flakes wouldn't just land like the ones just a few meters to the left and right.  At that point I heard the Lord loud and clear, "It's backwards Sven... the first must be last, to live you must die."  He was referring to my drivenness.

You see, I spent my day driving hard after the Lord.  I pursued him as if he had to be caught for me to abide with him today.  The truth is... it isn't in drivenness that we meet with the Lord, but in stillness.  In the same way the flakes became still in the air before landing just right before my window, so we who seek after the Lord must be still if we're to enter into that place of abiding that will carry us throughout the day.

It's not a new teaching for me.  Gosh, I've been a Christian for over 25 years!  But this is the first time where I realized that while it is God who has blessed me with a driven personality, it is that same quality that causes me to push to a point where I push right past!  I'm pushing too hard when the whole point of abiding is to be at peace!  Sheesh.  Sometimes, I'm amazed at how badly I miss obvious things.

After dinner we went to a baptism service at Springs (BEST BAPTISM EVER!) and heard Leon reinforce exactly what the Spirit had said to me earlier.  All in all... a good day.

.:. Sven .:.